Here's what happened to me. A manager once told me my work was TERRIBLE. I've never received such awful feedback and such a poor attitude. I'm not saying I haven't deserved it in the past. But never in such a rude and destructive way. I figure under such circumstances, simply don't have the conversation if you don't intend to provide constructive feedback. Just fire them if you cannot.
He'd assigned me something I was untrained, incapable of, and had zero interest in. I'll rise to any challenge. As a contractor of some 25 years, you are as junior as the janitor and as senior as the CEO, having to fulfil every position in between.
The next round of feedback I got from him, was an improvement; "not as terrible as the last time."
The result? I was the most stressed I'd ever been. I started doubting myself and lost interest in my profession which I've been doing for decades. In fact it bothered me so much that I since left the profession. As if that wasn't enough, shortly after the incident, I had a mini stroke, brought on directly by this feedback and stress, which has permanently damaged my vision. Needless to say I quit, in order to avoid this toxic individual.
With over 30 years' experience, I know that elements of what we do are subjective. But also this time has taught me some people are not worthy of being in your life (and coming near death, as I did). This was many years ago and never a day goes by without feeling the impact of this experience.
I totally agree that feedback is the lifeblood of anyone in the creative and knowledge / academic profession. We aren't usually creating stuff for ourselves, but others. Why exclude them. If we're not identifying our mistakes we're not learning. And if we're not learning we're stagnating. And there's no room for that in the world.
On a closing note, I've taken to asking a rather unusual question during interviews or meetings where I'm seeking to sell a service to someone. My question is "what's the worst thing about me, in your opinion?"
This really throws the other side. It's not intended to put them under duress. But it's really important to know what they're thinking. If there's anything bad, you need to know. It's your final opportunity to address their concerns before you end up on the scrap heap. Although uncomfortable (I'd hate to be on the receiving end of this question), it's crucial. If they mention something that you cannot form a good response to, you're probably not going to get offered what you're seeking. But you'll go away with that knowledge, and the satisfaction that you have given as good as you've received.
Hi Jon. Firstly a great post!
Here's what happened to me. A manager once told me my work was TERRIBLE. I've never received such awful feedback and such a poor attitude. I'm not saying I haven't deserved it in the past. But never in such a rude and destructive way. I figure under such circumstances, simply don't have the conversation if you don't intend to provide constructive feedback. Just fire them if you cannot.
He'd assigned me something I was untrained, incapable of, and had zero interest in. I'll rise to any challenge. As a contractor of some 25 years, you are as junior as the janitor and as senior as the CEO, having to fulfil every position in between.
The next round of feedback I got from him, was an improvement; "not as terrible as the last time."
The result? I was the most stressed I'd ever been. I started doubting myself and lost interest in my profession which I've been doing for decades. In fact it bothered me so much that I since left the profession. As if that wasn't enough, shortly after the incident, I had a mini stroke, brought on directly by this feedback and stress, which has permanently damaged my vision. Needless to say I quit, in order to avoid this toxic individual.
With over 30 years' experience, I know that elements of what we do are subjective. But also this time has taught me some people are not worthy of being in your life (and coming near death, as I did). This was many years ago and never a day goes by without feeling the impact of this experience.
I totally agree that feedback is the lifeblood of anyone in the creative and knowledge / academic profession. We aren't usually creating stuff for ourselves, but others. Why exclude them. If we're not identifying our mistakes we're not learning. And if we're not learning we're stagnating. And there's no room for that in the world.
On a closing note, I've taken to asking a rather unusual question during interviews or meetings where I'm seeking to sell a service to someone. My question is "what's the worst thing about me, in your opinion?"
This really throws the other side. It's not intended to put them under duress. But it's really important to know what they're thinking. If there's anything bad, you need to know. It's your final opportunity to address their concerns before you end up on the scrap heap. Although uncomfortable (I'd hate to be on the receiving end of this question), it's crucial. If they mention something that you cannot form a good response to, you're probably not going to get offered what you're seeking. But you'll go away with that knowledge, and the satisfaction that you have given as good as you've received.
Take care
Hey Paul...
Thanks for sharing this. That's not easy stuff to tell a stranger on the internet.
Here's the thing about that manager: they confused "directness" with "cruelty."
They assigned you something you weren't trained for, didn't give you the tools to succeed, then punished you for failing.
That's not feedback. That's abdication of responsibility.
Real feedback requires three things: context, specificity, and a path forward.
Your manager gave you "terrible" and "not as terrible."
Which is just... lazy. And your body paid the price.
You didn't deserve that.
And the fact that you're still here, still thinking about how to make feedback better?
That says something about you.
Oh, one last thing...
You said you left the profession. Do you miss it?
Because here's what I've learned: the work itself is usually fine. It's the people and systems around the work that break us.
If you do miss it... maybe it's not too late? Maybe there's a version where you come back on your own terms.
Or maybe you're done. And that's okay too.
You survived something that could have destroyed you. And then you turned it into wisdom.
That counts for something.
Take care.
Jon
P.S. If you ever want to talk more about this—feedback, design, toxic workplaces, whatever—my inbox is open.